Interview with Betsy Sansby by PsychJourney"The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves." Carl Jung Introduction: Many mental health professionals dream of creating a product whether a book, musical CD, game or video that will help them establish a niche, educate their clients, generate media coverage and provide an additional source of revenue. On The Psych Innovators Domain we celebrate and learn from pioneers who have demonstrated the tenacity, creativity and expertise to undertake the long and sometimes arduous journey from inspiration and struggle, to creation. PJ: Could you please explain what the OuchKit is? BS: It's a communication tool I originally developed as homework for couples in my therapy practice. The kit contains six different kinds of cards with fill-in-the-blank questions on the back that guide you through a process of identifying your feelings and then communicating them--from a safe distance--without defensiveness or blame. PJ: What inspired you to create the OuchKit? BS: About a year ago, I started noticing that the couples I was seeing made good progress during their sessions, but between sessions, when I wasn't there to play referee, they lost ground. I was determined to figure out why they weren't using the tools they were learning in therapy when they got into trouble at home. PJ: So what did you do? BS: I started analyzing what I did when couples got into trouble during a session. I noticed that when I focused on the content of an issue a couple was fighting about -- the "Who did what, when?" -- the fight escalated. One person would blame, the other would defend, and around and around they'd go. Instead of feeling like a therapist listening to two lovers trying to find their way back to each other, I felt like a judge listening to two lawyers trying to make their case. But when I shifted my attention away from the facts and focused on helping each person tune into their own "felt-sense" of what was going on, both partners automatically calmed down. And once they calmed down, they were able to see the situation differently, and each was able to admit to having overreacted or assumed the worst about the other. That's when they could re-engage in a discussion about the facts in a more respectful and compassionate way. The question for me was, why could they do this in session but not on their own? PJ: What did you find out? BS: It turns out that when people are angry, scared or hurt, they don't think straight. They're physiologically incapable of foresight or good sense. That's why they act so crazy. Stress chemicals -- designed to fuel the fight or flight response -- cause the rational part of the brain to shut down, and the irrational part to take over. That's why angry people don't talk to each other, they rant. They also rave, pout, drink, work on their trucks, spend money on weird things, kick in walls, beat up their kids. Their hearts beat fast. Their throats close up. They sweat, shake, scowl, scream, shut down, lose control. The OuchKit was my attempt to give couples a quick and easy way to interrupt the stress cycle when I wasn't around so they could quiet themselves down and reconnect from a better place. PJ: Why did you choose a card format? BS: The main reason is that the card exchange process gives couples a way to communicate with each other from a distance when they're too hurt or angry to talk face-to-face. PJ: What are the cards in the kit and can you give an example of how someone might use them? BS: As I mentioned, there are six kinds of cards in the kit: Ouch, Sorry, Thanks, You're Welcome, I've Been Wondering, and Now That You Mention it. The cards are designed to work together, each card suggesting another card in response. For example, an Ouch card is usually followed by a Sorry card. A Thanks card is usually followed by a You're Welcome card, and so on. Since Ouch and Sorry cards are the backbone of the kit, I'll use them for my example. Say you and your husband go out to dinner with his family. His sister makes a rude comment about you in front of everyone. He acts like nothing's happened. When you get home you bring up the issue, but instead of supporting you, your husband accuses you of picking on his sister. This is the turning point for most couples. If you get into an argument, chances are you'll end up feeling awful about each other. But if instead of arguing, you take a minute to fill out an Ouch card, chances are you'll be able to come back together in a short time with a deeper understanding of your own feelings and greater compassion for your husband. This is because the fill-in-the blank questions on each card force you to slow down your thinking -- which automatically calms the body -- and clarify what you're feeling -- which in itself is soothing to anyone flooded with emotion. Believe it or not, often the simple act of completing a card -- even an Ouch card -- will be enough to make you feel better. And once you've filled out a card, all you have to do is leave it where your husband will find it. You don't have to give it to him in person for the process to work.
What I've found is that by the time even one person has received a card, usually both people are already feeling calmer, clearer, and much more able to understand each other's feelings and point of view. In the example above, it's very likely that after receiving your Ouch card, your husband will give you a Sorry card, describing exactly what he did that hurt you and offering concrete suggestions for ways he can be more supportive in the future. By then, you should both be ready to talk in person. PJ: Do couples ever ask you why they have to use cards instead of just talking? BS: So far only men have asked me this question. The thing to remember is that the purpose of using the cards isn't to avoid talking to each other, it's to give you a way to calm down and check in with yourself so you don't say things you may later regret. But the ultimate goal of the OuchKit is for you to internalize the OuchKit process, so eventually you won't need cards at all. When that happens, you may still decide to use them on occasion, but you won't need them to help you figure out how you're feeling or how to express those feelings respectfully to your partner. PJ: The visual design and packaging of the OuchKit looks very professional. Did you create the design yourself or work with someone? BS: I'm flattered. My 16-year-old daughter and I designed the cards on our computer and printed them on cardstock from Office Max. Each design was a happy accident, the result of a lot of noodling around in Photoshop. When it came time to do a printing, my brother did the box design and layout. My husband helped with the editing. PJ: How do you plan on marketing the OuchKit? BS: I'm not sure. When I created the kit, I wasn't thinking about a commercial product. I just wanted a homework tool couples would actually be willing to use. It wasn't until later that I realized there might be broader appeal. That's when I found a printer -- who I ended up hiring as my business coach -- and began assembling my rag tag Dream Team to help me produce the first run of cards. PJ: What type of market research did you undertake when determining your marketing and promotion plans? BS: I didn't actually do any because I don't actually know how. All I knew going into this project was that the OuchKit worked and people seemed to want it. That was good enough for me. This week, however, I did take a plunge. I hired a talented techno-wizard I found on Craig's List to help me create E-cards. Within a week or so, anyone who wants to send an Ouch, Sorry, or Thanks card will be able to do so for free. All they'll have to do is come to the OuchKit site. I believe that by giving good things away, more good things will follow. I guess this is my idea of a marketing plan. PJ: Has the process of designing, manufacturing and marketing your product been what you expected? More of a challenge? Easier then you thought? BS: The whole process has been great fun. There are challenges, but most of them I've created myself. I have this habit of throwing myself into projects and then neglecting just about everything else in my life. The result is that I get a lot done, but I also get a fair number of Ouch cards from my husband. The last one read, "I felt bad when you forgot we had a date because you were too busy obsessing on the latest rewrite of the Ouch card." PJ: Do you have any other products in the works? BS: My nickname is "ADD Girl." That should tell you something. PJ: Do you have any advise for other therapists who are considering bringing a product to market? BS: Go for it, but only if you've got a product you've test-driven and you know ROCKS. I've seen so many products in catalogues and at conferences that look great but turn out to be mediocre. I always feel ripped off when I've paid good money for a half-baked product. PJ: Has the OuchKit had an effect on your private counseling practice? For example, more referrals from colleagues or clients who discovered you through buying your product or reading about it? BS: Since the OuchKit just came out, it's still too soon to tell what effect it's going to have on my business. But my goal isn't to bring in more clients. I have enough clients. It's really to get the OuchKIt out into the world so more people can benefit from it than I could ever see in my office. Whatever money I make from the sale of this product will go into producing the next one.
September 22, 2004 |