Where did the OuchKit come from?

The OuchKit began as an experiment. I noticed that the couples I was seeing in my therapy practice had trouble expressing difficult feelings without blowing up, shutting down, blaming each other, or running away. Most of them were terrible at apologizing. Only a few knew how to express or accept gratitude. And almost none knew a thing about making amends.

Communicating difficult feelings from a safe distance

Although couples did well during our sessions (when I was there to referee), between sessions they reverted back to old habits. What they needed was a way to communicate difficult feelings from a safe distance. That way they could make contact with each other even if they weren't ready to talk face-to-face.

The OuchKit was my attempt to create a simple tool couples would actually use to communicate between sessions, without defensiveness or blame.

Developing the OuchKit

The original kit contained only four cards: Ouch, Sorry, Thanks, and You're Welcome. I designed the cards with my daughter and we printed them on greeting card stock we bought at Office Depot. After months of trials with my own clients and countless text revisions based on their feedback, The OuchKit started getting results.

Before I knew it, cards were flying fast and furious. Couples who had been using them with each other were now using them with their kids. Therapist friends who had gotten prototypes were now trying them out with clients, and using them at home with their own families. Pretty soon, I was refilling ink cartridges every couple of weeks.

Publishing the OuchKit

That's when I decided to hire a professional printer so I could focus on getting the cards out into the world, instead of on printing them one-by-one on my home computer. As it turned out, the guy I hired to print the cards wasn't just a printer. He was also a very smart, very talented guy (with a lovely South African accent), who happened to be a business coach. I ended up hiring him to print the cards and help me get The OuchKit out into the world. And I hired my brother -- a graphic designer -- to handle the art and layout. The other members of The Ouchkit team are my new Web Master, who spins straw into gold, and my husband, who is the love of my life and a partner in everything I do.

- Betsy Sansby